A Reign of Ruin

Time moves differently when you’re wounded. Agony has this way of stilling a clock and allowing you to feel every passing minute. Down to the second, I felt the moments limp by like a hurt animal, scared and alone. While the pain of life crawled by unbearably slow, my days bled away like lightning bolts flashing across the sky. That was the ebb and flow of Elphame. If we weren’t on the verge of destruction, we weren’t living. If we weren’t running from the monsters, we were the monsters. Although I was born for this, to suffer in Elphame, my feathers plucked and my will drained, each day since leaving the mortal realm I was reminded of how close to my grave I’d gotten. But after being cast off the island, leaving my family behind, I looked into that hole in the ground and felt no fear. I was too angry to be scared. It’s hard to dread the only thing in this realm that stops the suffering.

Putting one foot in front of the other wasn’t as easy as others made it seem. But whether it was easy or not, I pushed forward, each step more deliberate than the last. The very lives of my family depended on my drive and ruthlessness.

Anything that took my attention away from finding my way back onto the island drove my Malice to the surface. My heart was torn in too many directions, and my soul screamed whenever I was pushed to do anything other than find my missing family. My mind may have grown used to war and fighting for every inch, but my heart and soul weren’t made for horror. I was homesick for my loved ones, and every hour that passed felt like an eternity in hell. Those who had given everything to ensure my survival were still lost to me, and it ate away at my calm.

It had been days since I had stormed Satyr Island and rescued our people, those taken as a warning I hadn’t heard. Given a choice to save Solas or our people, I’d left Solas behind, chained to a wall beside Zephyr and Nix on an island I could no longer reach—and I had tried many times. My guilt for leaving my family behind had tugged on my soul. Although it had been the right decision, there wasn’t a moment when I didn’t think I could have done something different and saved them all. But I couldn’t protect everyone and chose to save those who had depended on the throne to help them. And what a prickly throne it had become. It felt like sitting on shards of glass.

I didn’t wear a crown, and we didn’t own a throne. But damn it, if it didn’t feel like both were pressing down on me with the weight of the entire realm. Balancing the safety of the Dark Courts, smoking out traitors and enemies and trying to rescue my family while keeping the mortal realm at bay felt like torture. I finally understood why Elphame had so many mad kings throughout history. Each day felt heavier than the last. But that was the reality of Elphame, and I had not been spared any of those lessons.

Since coming to this vile place, I had learned many brutal truths the hard way while living an existence most would consider cursed. Misery spared no one—and neither did fate. We all suffered, regardless of birthrights, which court we belonged to, what blood pumped our hearts or which God we prayed to. Nothing was free, and no place was safe. It was the way of the world. It didn’t matter on which side of the Gate you stood. When the suffering came with your name on it, it arrived with more hurt and hate than the soul could handle. It had no mercy or kindness. And we shared that anguish like a drowning man, almost desperate to unload the weight onto someone else. Fae rose and fell on the backs of others. We crawled and limped our way from one day to the next, stepping over each other if needed. Truth be told, the mortal world was no different. No realm was unique in how it tormented its people. We all suffered equally.

But no lesson learned had prepared me for who I would willingly become to survive this realm, to protect what was mine, to keep my head above water. No truths had readied me for the incessant conflict that would become my daily routine. From Crow to crown, I wasn’t spared any more than anyone else. But this was the way of Elphame, the very pulse of this realm. And I had learned this brutal reality on my knees, like so many had before me.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. Before the Gate was cursed to be a one-way ticket, Crows had returned from Elphame with enough horrors to fill dozens of Darkmore journals. Since I’d committed them all to memory, I believed every word of what it meant to become a Crow. It was hell and horror with no room for anything more. There would be no days in Elphame without a fight for another sunrise. That was what it meant to be a Crow—to suffer, to feel life in its rawest and most gutting forms. This was also the path of a Soul-Eater. From birth, I had been cursed to look death in the eyes and dare him to try me, and every day, he took his best shot. That was the hardest truth to swallow. This would never end until the day my heart finally stopped beating. I had been warned, and I still picked this path. Even knowing what I knew now, I’d still choose it.

Until me, no Crow who had survived remembered their truths with clarity. But horror has this way of stealing from your mind, clouding your memories and turning them into something grotesque. For the lucky ones, they simply were too damaged to recount what caused their brokenness. Most stories were from fragmented minds and long-shattered resolve, destroyed souls who remembered nothing more than unanswered prayers. But what remained true was that each Crow recalled their first day as if it had only just happened. Every detail was crystal clear. No one ever forgot their Taking. Many couldn’t remember the parts in the middle, the parts their minds refused to hold on to. I wasn’t that lucky. I hadn’t forgotten. Not a single detail was out of place. And it was in those memories where I was tormented, day in and day out. But that was the thing about misery… It would remind you daily of your suffering. It taunted you with promises that would never come true. But it wouldn’t be Elphame if it didn’t hurt. I wouldn’t be Fae if I didn’t have to look over my shoulder. And Whitwick reminded me of how very Fae I was each time I stepped through the Gate. That I was dragging around a wounded soul reminded me of how mortal parts of me still were.

My entire existence surrounded the Gate, from birth to my first death, and today was no different. It didn’t matter that my world felt like it was burning down around me. The world still turned. Wars were still pending. And I still stood yards from the doorway between realms, willing myself to step forward. But my feet were firmly planted. I didn’t want to go into Whitwick to deal with their problems. I had enough of them of my own. Saving those who protested against the presence of Fae was not high on my list of problems to solve. I had tried to convince the Seers to deal with the issues, but mortals were my people, not theirs, I was told. But they weren’t. Not really. Not anymore. Mortals stopped being my people when they started seeing me as the enemy.

I stood on the now-trampled grounds of the Court of Less. The creatures and beasts of the Dark Courts had lifted every rock in search of our enemies, taking up chunks of earth in the process. They’d get no complaints from me. I was one more useless comment away from setting a fire and watching it all burn to the ground in hopes of smoking out the conspirators. And if they weren’t here, I’d willingly go to Whitwick and start a fire on that side of the Gate. I was on the dregs of my patience and pitied those who called on my attention.

Aeden, my Royal Guard, stood at my side. When I arrived, he kept a noticeable distance between us. He had said he could feel my temper and Malice rolling just under my skin, and it reminded him of standing too close to Solas and Zephyr during war. I took it as a compliment.

“I don’t know why Lily couldn’t have dealt with this? It’s not like I’m not busy.” My voice was bitter and heated.

“I’m sorry, Perdi,” he replied. He sounded sad for me. “But court matters do not stop because there is a different issue on the table. The wheels don’t stop turning, even when you want them to.”

“Are you telling me that even in battle, Solas still deals with this crap?” I asked.

“First, you’re not at war—close, but not quite. But, to answer your question, yes, unfortunately, Solas would still be dealing with this. The only time he was not at work was during his mealtimes with you. His voice in the court literally stopped for you both to have dinner. Zephyr dealt with matters for those few hours Solas was with you. With both of them gone, you’re the only one left.”

“This never ends,” I replied. A groan that sounded more like a growl escaped my lips. Whitwick had turned from a problem into a smoldering fire, and I didn’t think I would help the situation.

“It will end, Perdi, if you want it to. You just won’t like the choices you’ll need to make for that to happen,” Aeden replied, and I couldn’t argue his point. I put myself in the middle. No one but me had expected me to remain there.

We stepped through the Gate together to find eight Seers standing shoulder to shoulder, blocking the Gate. On the other side, there were arguments, screaming and cursing the Fae. Lily turned to the Gate and opened a pocket for me to step through. Her eyes went back to the crowd. The Seers had been rotating between Whitwick and the island. They didn’t trust either place—and neither did I.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

She didn’t take her eyes off the few dozen men in front of us. “They say they would like us off their land. We can leave willingly, or we can leave through some force they speak of. I believe they mean to say they will force us.” She huffed a laugh at the threat. She was amused. I was not.

I stepped forward, Aeden a foot behind me. “What is the meaning of this?”

My father made his way through the crowd. “Perdi, there are some men who wish for the Fae to leave.”

I nodded and glanced around. I walked from one end of the group to the other and back to my father. “I see no men here.”

“These men.” My father motioned to those who stood behind him.

“Again, the only man I see is you,” I answered.

Mr. Nicholas, a grocery shop owner, drinker of whatever didn’t kill him and smoker of what soon would, stepped forward. The moment he was close enough for me to smell, I knew he’d die of sickness within a couple of years, tops. He smelled like death was already writing his name on a list. Both his eyes were bruised, and I fought not to smile.

“I want them gone,” he said, while pointing to Lily and her people.

“Mark, it is lovely to see you. However did you get two black eyes?” I asked.

“That is not your concern.” He spat his words but glared at Lily. I knew exactly why he wanted Lily gone.

“Where is your lovely wife Helen?” I asked, with a smile that was forced and as friendly as I could muster. “It has been a long time since I’ve paid her my respects. Where can I find her, Mark?”

“At home, where she belongs. This is no place for her.”

“Lily, please go get Mrs. Nicholas for me,” I asked without taking my eyes off Mark. Lily was gone with a wind that forced me to step forward from the push of power that bested most Fae. Her unrivaled strength was why she sat at the table of Blood and Bones.

Although Blood and Bones now belonged to Solas, by birthright, he was shaping the court back into what it had once been. It had never been meant to be a place of threat or war. They had been forced into that position during a revolt and kept there by Solene. Initially, it had been a place of peace—a place to train their people, give solace to those who needed it and heal those who found life was too much to bear. To return to the ways of peace, Solas needed a Seer to help him, and Lily was a wise choice. In these last months, she had formed a council, a small group of trusted Seers whose primary purpose was to heal Elphame. Lily was fair, reasonable and held no hate for anyone. To see Mark with bruises on his face could only mean one thing. What he had done to earn them would make me want to wring the life from his neck. I did not have the calm resolve of a Seer. I had the temper of a Soul-Eater.

“You have no right to meddle in my business.” Mark stepped forward and brought my thoughts back from Elphame and the hope for peace.

Aeden stepped to my side, not to scare Mark. No. He was giving me room for whatever choices I would make, and being behind me would limit my movements. Mark took another step forward. I stretched out my back and neck and let my arms fall to my side. I could feel the tension vibrating off him. If he were going to swing, I’d be ready. “Is there something I can do for you, Mark?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. I glanced at the distance he had closed between us. “Is there a reason you’ve stepped into my personal space?”

He clenched and unclenched his fists. I looked back up from his hands and met his eyes. I raised my eyebrows as if to invite him to do what he so desperately wanted to do. I watched him struggle between decisions. Before Mark could do something stupid, Lily returned with Helen. I didn’t have to look too closely to know she was covered in bruises, some old and some as fresh as hours before. She couldn’t have come, even if she’d wanted to. I looked into her eyes and felt my rage boil. I turned back to Mark and could see him shrink. It’s one thing for everyone to know he beat his wife but another to have it put on display where it couldn’t be ignored.

“Here is how this night will go, and this will be your only warning from me, since you clearly haven’t listened to Lily or her people,” I started, but Mark decided to step around me toward his wife. “Whatever it is you plan to do, Mark, I really wouldn’t do it. I’m warning you.”

“She is my wife. You may be the whore of Elphame, but you’re not my whore, and I don’t have to listen to a damn word you—”

The moment he pointed his finger in my face, Aeden was gone from my side. One moment he was there. The next, he’d grabbed Mark and had him pinned on the ground before I could warn the man again. The heat that poured off Aeden was enough for me to step back. My stomach knotted with unease. I didn’t know if Mark would die for what he had done, but I wasn’t going to protect him from Aeden, either way. Aeden twisted Mark’s pointed finger until it crunched under the force, then leaned into his face.

“If you touch her, if you even think of touching your wife again, I will return, and I will fucking end you. I will do it for your wife and children and to send a message to the rest of your realm. The weak have the protection of the Fae. I will oath myself to every man, woman and child in this entire goddamn land, just so I know every move you make and every thought you have. Do I make myself clear?”

Mark opened and closed his mouth, finally nodding.

Aeden shook him against the ground. “And it goes without saying, but allow me to make it clear as possible. If you want to keep your tongue, you will not speak to my queen in such a way. If you lift another finger to her, you will lose both hands. I believe in warnings, but only one will ever fall from my lips. You are very much beneath my warnings. You will stand, apologize, go home, pack one bag of clothing, leave all valuables behind and wait for your wife to forgive you or call me back to kill you. No oaths between our realms protect you from me, not for this. If you harass her, hunt her, harm her or scare her, you will be found and skinned alive. You’d best wish it is me who finds you, not the ladies who guard this Gate. They will do things to you that I haven’t the stomach to even think of. You may live in the mortal realm, but you best hope they don’t drag you back to ours.”

Aeden stepped back and lifted Mark to his feet. Mark scurried from Aeden and apologized as he ran from the crowd. I couldn’t help but smile. I had been waiting for the day someone would protect the weakest members of Whitwick. I had spent my life watching it happen and not being strong enough to help.

“My lady.” Aeden stood back at my side. “I apologize for the interruption. Please, continue.”

“As I was saying…” I smiled and readdressed the group, “the only ones I see here are those struggling to live decent lives. You harm yourselves and your families and are a bleed on Whitwick. You leave chaos and misery in your wake. You drink too much and fall into drunk madness. Rage, I understand. I, too, struggle with mine. But you allow that anger to rule you, and with fists, you take it out on those you love. So, it appears the only ones who want the Fae to leave are those who are scared of the Fae paying them a visit.”

“You can’t kill all of us.” A voice from the crowd.

“Yes, I can,” I answered matter-of-factly. “I will. I will do exactly that to protect the peace and your families. Since you won’t protect them, I have no problem doing it for you.”

“There will be war,” he called out again.

I shook my head. “No, you fool, there won’t be. War requires two sides to battle each other. There will be nothing more than death between both realms—and death isn’t war. A fight between Fae and mankind is nothing more than a well-planned funeral for you all. Do not sentence all Whitwick to death simply because you can’t hit your wives anymore. How many people will charge into Elphame, a certain death for you all, just so you can keep drinking and abusing? From where I’m standing, only a couple of dozen, and I can deal with that without needing anyone to help me.”

“Fae doesn’t rule here, and neither do you. You are not the law.”

“You’re wrong!” I screamed. “There are laws here that protect others from partner violence. No one follows them. There are laws that do not allow you to use physical violence to solve your problems. You just don’t follow them. Many laws govern Whitwick, but no one cares enough about their neighbor to follow them. If you will not protect your people, I will, and that is final. If that means I have to come back here every bloody day to check on your family, I will. We will go door to door, checking on your wives and children. If it means we patrol your streets, we will. And if it means we have to drag every one of you into the town square and hang you for your crimes, I will weave the rope myself—not because I am now Fae, but because I grew up watching you do it, listening to it, seeing your children at school with scabbed lips. I watched as each of your wives limped home from the grocery store with barely enough strength to keep their hearts pumping but too terrified not to keep moving forward. I was once powerless to stop it, but not anymore. There will never be another day where that will be allowed.”

My father sighed and turned to the group. “The Guardians will not turn their eyes from this any longer. We have spoken of it many times. Those who disregard the law will be arrested and jailed. We were going to address new laws and enforcements at our next town hall, but now is as good of a time as any. It is unfortunate it took the Fae to show us that we, too, can be monsters.”

I stepped back to Lily and spoke loud enough for the others to hear. “Take Helen home. Make sure Mark doesn’t come back. If this happens again, alert the Guardians, but do everything you can to protect them until they arrive.”

“And if the Guardians can’t or won’t stop them?” she asked. She searched for the freedom to act, to defend. Now that the Seers weren’t locked away, their very duty was to protect. Without that, she wasn’t entirely herself, who she was meant to be—and I could relate.

I swallowed a rock in the back of my throat. “Then you act in any way you must to protect those who are too weak to save themselves. This…” I scrunched my face, fighting between tears and vomit. “This cannot happen again. And if the prisons of Whitwick can’t stop them, the prisons of Elphame certainly will. If they survive stepping through the Gate, justice will be swift, but it will come.”

The crowd silenced at that threat. It was one I didn’t want to make. The Fae had been the nightmare of Whitwick for as long as they could remember, and I used the Fae again to control them. I didn’t feel guilty this time. I wouldn’t let them beat their wives, and if I had to drag the Sluagh through the Gate to keep the men in line, I would.

“Perdi,” Lily leaned into my ear, “things are getting a lot worse here. I fear you’ll be returning and soon.”

I nodded. “I know. I can feel it. Something has changed.”

“We’ll do what we can for as long as possible, to buy you the time you need. But I don’t think it’ll be enough.”

“Unfortunately, I agree. Blood will spill, and by then, it will be too late to stop what’s coming,” I replied. Aeden followed me back to Elphame and waited for me as the wave of nausea subsided.

“I do not like going there,” Aeden finally said.

“You have quite the temper, Aeden,” I said as we moved through the Court of Less. I rubbed my arms, feeling dirty from my trip through the Gate. The dread I had experienced, hanging in the air in Whitwick, still clung to me like sweat.

“I could say the same about you,” he answered without even a hint of judgment. “My father was a strict man, but he had honor. He had one hell of a temper but never once lifted a finger against my mother. Only once did his anger make my mother step back. He begged forgiveness and cowered from his shame, as he should have. He would have killed anyone who touched her. He valued her and her love above all else. It was something he made sure I had learned before I left for the Aos Si. I am made for battle and death and doling out punishment like candy. But that? Harming your family? It’s something I can’t stomach and will not tolerate. I could never harm my partner like that. The very thought of someone doing that to those I love…? Rage doesn’t describe how that man made me feel.”

“Disgust, embarrassed for her, ashamed for him, angry at everyone else for letting it happen, regret that I didn’t kill him to prove a point and take her nightmare away… That’s what I felt,” I told him.

“That sums up what I’m feeling.”

“When we go back, Aeden, we have to work to fix the relations and not beat them all. We can’t fix violence with violence.”

“Yes, we can,” he countered. “But I see your point. If we want peace, we must offer peace…until that is no longer the option.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “But all peace comes with a price.”

“And we’ll all pay for it.” He sighed and rubbed the creases starting between his eyes. “Do you think there will ever be peace between both realms?”

“I want to say yes, but no. I don’t believe so. I think, eventually, it’ll come to a head, and many will die before there’s silence, not peace. We’ll exist together, but I doubt there will be more than that.”

“A bleak future,” he said.

“Bleaker for those of us who have to live with it for centuries,” I replied. “I’ll meet you back at the manor later.”

Aeden nodded. He would be meeting with the Aos Si for updates on the island and their progress in finding a Mage. “Perdi, remember. If you kill Finn tonight, you won’t be able to hunt him tomorrow.”

“Good night, Aeden,” I replied. I couldn’t comment on his remark without lying to his face.

I was uncomfortable with the secrecy I was now living, but trust was something I couldn’t afford—not when traitors were alive and well and had my name at the top of their lists. I was hunting, but it wasn’t Finn I was tracking. I was pursuing my traitors in secret, and at my side, an unlikely ally, Finn. Together, we followed the trail of those seeking my death, the traitors of the Dark Courts. The roots of hate had spread far and wide, leaving me and Finn no choice but to play dark and dangerous games, unable to trust a soul. When we returned from the island, someone close to the crown began hunting us both. The energy of our dark traitor was the same we had found on the island, in Elphame and even as far as Whitwick. His magick was both familiar and unplaceable. Whoever was following us would be the key to getting my family back.

I’d had two choices when I’d returned from Satyr Island. I could swallow what had happened and work together with Finn or I could die alone, never having saved my family. Teetering between truth and lies, right and wrong, absolution and revenge kept me looking over my shoulder. I spent my days trying to keep Whitwick from boiling over and invading, only to die on Elphame soil, and the nights with a mask on and stalking my enemies across the entire realm. I didn’t know what was worse, hunting them or living with the horror of the aftermath once I’d finally caught them. But one way or another, vengeance would be swift. Those who did this to my people and my family would pay dearly…because nothing was free in Elphame. I would hunt them to the ends of the earth for what they did. No one takes from a Soul-Eater and survives. I was pretty sure that rule was written somewhere.